dreamin4freedom

“You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32 NKJV).

There is joy in truth, there is liberty in truth, and there is a new you waiting to be set free from the lies of the past. There is freedom in saying, “I was hurt,” “I was assaulted,” or “I was beaten in front of my children.” There is no excuse for the abuse you suffered at the hands of another. There is no excuse for the pain you endured. The abuse you suffered was not your fault. That is the truth, and from this day forward, you can walk in it. You are set free today. This time, you win. (from Setting Aside Silence, S. Richard-Davis, 2023)

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. All across the nation there are programs and activities focused on raising awareness about domestic violence and the harm it causes women, children and families. The truth is the devastating impact of domestic violence on our communities is huge. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men will be affected by domestic violence in their lifetime. It can affect anyone, regardless of race, gender, background, education, religion, or socioeconomic status. No one is exempt. Not even people you assume are “living their best life.” As difficult as it is to hear and accept, domestic violence also affects our faith community and places of worship. The impact of domestic violence is even greater when you factor in the damage it causes children. Children who witness domestic violence are at a much greater risk of being in a future violent relationship as a perpetrator or victim.

The truth is domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence is a frightening experience for anyone. It is characterized by a pattern of controlling, abusive behavior exhibited toward an intimate/romantic partner. There are several categories of domestic violence, including verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, harassment, and stalking. Here is a partial list of warning signs of an abusive/unhealthy relationship:

• Your partner is controlling.

• You are afraid of your partner.

• Your partner is verbally or physically abusive.

• Your partner is extremely jealous.

• Your partner isolates you from family and friends.

• Your partner manipulates you.

• Your partner monitors or calls you constantly.

• Your partner controls all the money/finances.

• Your partner forces you to do things you don’t want to do (like have sex).

• You have no freedom.

The truth about domestic violence is that it will continue to occur as long as society remains silent and inactive. Silence is not golden when it comes to domestic violence, it is harmful. We must be willing to talk about it, and not act as if it is not affecting us. Friends and relatives must speak out and offer support to those they know are suffering in unhealthy or violent relationships. This takes courage. It means not ignoring warning signs when we see them. It means not being a bystander, who would rather videotape someone being hurt than call for help or render aid. If you have been a bystander in the past, I hope your heart will change after reading this. Next time, it could be you who helps someone to safety. Maybe you will be the one who offers kindness, support, or resources to a survivor of domestic violence. I admonish you to always remember your own safety when helping someone else.

Another truth about domestic violence is that victims of domestic violence are people we know: family, friends, neighbors, and colleagues. Women are getting abused, assaulted, and murdered every day. Those closest to some victims are often shocked this could ever happen to “them.” Family and friends may truly be unaware domestic violence is occurring in their loved ones life, because there is still shame and embarrassment associated with being a victim. Victims should not be embarrassed or ashamed if they are abused. Domestic violence is a crime. Abuse happens to them. It is not something anyone asks for.

This Domestic Violence Awareness Month I acknowledge the life of Lucia Kahsai, age 41, who was murdered by her abusive partner August 1, 2022. She was a mother to four children. Her life mattered.

I also acknowledge Lurdes Keymolen, age 23, who was murdered by her abusive partner on August 26, 2020. She was a mother to a young daughter. Her life mattered.

Lastly, I acknowledge Randi Jones Gratton, 40, who was murdered by her abusive ex-partner. She was the mother of two sons. Her life mattered.

All of the above mentioned murders occurred in Washington state. Another truth about domestic violence is it can and does happen anywhere.

Domestic violence survivors need support and resources in order to reclaim and rebuild their lives, and to feel whole again. Truth is, there are limited resources for women and children fleeing domestic violence and trafficking situations. There is not enough housing, shelter, clothing and food, transportation, childcare, and other necessities available to survivors in need of these resources. During Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I hope you will contribute to an agency that is working hard to protect and support survivors of domestic violence. Northwest Family Life is an agency that provides hope and healing to survivors of domestic violence and trafficking through a number of programs. Penny’s Place is their shelter for women and children. I have personally had the honor of providing advocacy/support to residents there this year. My heart was touched by their expressions of gratefulness. Community financial support enables Northwest Family Life to continue providing advocacy and support, domestic violence education, treatment for perpetrators, and community resources.

If you would like to be a light in the darkness for survivors of domestic violence and trafficking during Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I am providing the link to Northwest Family Life’s donation page. You can donate any amount at any time. We want domestic violence to end, but until it does, we will continue providing hope, healing, and support to survivors. That is the truth.

https://northwestfamilylife.org/donate/

Resources:

Northwest Family Life http://www.northwestfamilylife.org

1-800-799-7233 National Domestic Violence Hotline

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence http://www.ncadv.org

Atlantic Street Center http://www.atlanticstreetcenter.org

Hope Place Seattle – Seattle’s Union Gospel Mission 206-628-2008